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Misty_Yuy
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Name: Misty
Country: Australia
State: Victoria
Birthday: 3/8/1984
Gender: Female
Interests: Anime, manga, drawing, anime.
Expertise: Sweet FUCK all
Occupation: Other
Industry: Other
Message: message me
Member Since:
10/6/2003
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| - CHoly shit when was the last time I actually updated this... March last yr... x__x fuck...
Uhh... whats this?
I unno...
Bleh!
refere to my LJ for better fucked up shit! Xanga kinda died.. http://misty-yuy.livejournal.com/ | | |
| =Just to advise: This post contains constant reference to self harm...I know there are some ppl who read my LJ's and Xanger who don' t like it... and then again... there are some of you who do... and some of you who couldn't give a shit...=
I watched Dr. Phill today.. I don't usually watch it... but I didn't really have much of a choice or anything to do and Don and Carly's.
It was a very triggering episode too.. although I didnt get to see all of it .. I saw enough to trigger my cutting tendencies... now I know thats not what everyone wanted to hear. It was a story about a family where a mum and dad were going to get married and each had I think it was 3 kids.. all in their teens pretty much.
the daughter of the mother was the one I got to see most of in the time I was watching. Ashely... she had made a video diary and sent it to the produces of Dr. Phill, and on the vid. diary was a confession. She talked about all the things that I would normally say... and even do. She admited that she was back to cutting again.. I assume that she was an ex.cutter. She even went as far as to showing her fresh cuts on tv. I couldn't take my eyes off them, strangely enough I thought they were exciting and beautiful.... even though when her mother asked her if she thought it was a good thing, Ashely immediatly answers with 'No it's NOT a good thing... it's never a good thing.' But something in her voice just screamed out to me that she wasn't being honest with her mother. I wanted to see more of the show... just to see what Dr. Phill would have said.
But it doesn't take away the hunger pang i got when I saw those cuts. They wernt deep really.. scratches mostly... Her mother even asked to see all of her arms.... Ashely admited that she wanted to die and kill herself... but then she's crying in her mums arms after they had talked and all the sudden I felt disgusted in Ashely..
Again... I don't know why I felt this way... I envied her thinness too... I hated her for that... I waned to cut her myself...I've wondered... or prolly day dreamed... what it would be like for me to be hanging out with anyone who cuts and we would all just sit around and cut infront of each other...and then cut each other... it was such an intense idea.... I'm half scared of it and half not scared...I don't know why.. does this honestly make me out to be a mental case? To imagin an orgy of cutters, shareing the pain... expressing to each other by showing what we are capable of...
I guess that tops my mentallness! clearly phsychotic...
I admit that it would be invigorating to cut infront of someone... anyone; I'm so sure thats what Emma did that time in school back at Chaffey cause i have this memory of her and a pair of sizzors to her wrist and all of us in the area....
I Remeber... the night me and reg broke it off.. i went to Garry's first before I went to Gayles... I think... And this is vague... that he showed me this stanley knife... I cant remeber if he showed or told me what he did with it.. but the feeling I get from the memory of that blade.
I haven't cut in a couple weeks now... Been feeling too out of it to even bother... I supose i'm down to 'when i feel like it, I will...' | | |
| I feel ill...And I have no reason to feel ill...
This is rediculas... 3 days ago I was 38inchs around the waist and I'm STILL 38 fucking inches..>.< What da FUCK am I doing WRONG? i havent consumed anything to be 38 inches still. I did a 100 rolls on the ball and 200 crunches last night...an the night before...
Akk.. I feel sick again...Stupid.. stupid stupidstupid.. Stupid body stupid life stupid bitch!!! Worthless piece of fucking crap!! Oh WOW-- Don't WE have such a negative outlook on live... IT"S FUCKING RETARDED!!
Last week mum and I went into the city to get my hair done and we first stopped at Maccas cause she was hungry.. really I couldn't give a shit about it. She asked me what I wanted and I just said for her to get me what she got herself. So I went and sat down and drew in my book for a bit and waited...
She brought us 2 turkey and cranberry meals..Then these 2 ubber skinny skanks waltz in and sit directly across from us. And all the bitches could do was point and laugh... yes.. they were laughing at me... WHY? cause I'm a fat ass cow thats why... By then I had already eaten about a 3rd of my fries, drank some of the coke and got bearly half way through the turkey roll before I started feeling sick in the gutt and had to put it down. Mother asked why I wasnt eating it all and I just said that I was full and it didn't taste very nice at all... Well some of it didnt taste nice... they over did it on the cheese if you ask me. I refused to eat for days after that but moter still put the plate infront of me and told me to eat.. Well not in the verbal sense... She might be a little bit obviouse to whats up... not that I care in the least she now knows that I've given up on my medication since I havent been taking them in over a month.
I havent eaten in 2 days now...Apart from a couple motuhfulls of apple juice and a stick of gum.
Anouther stupid thing I did last week... I told my counsellor about my cutting and suicidal tendencies... WHY oh WHY did I do that? I still don't know..
She says that if the next time we meet and I'm still talking about the things liek I was she's going to alert the hospital... >.< But I tell ya... it was one thing to freak the shit outta her XD The moment I mentioned the cutting and she asked where I was cutting and I showed her.. she suddenly went all quiet of the sudden... *cackles* But I swear if she alerts the hospital I'm gonna shover her shit phone up her arse...
And then she has the gawl to pat me on the shoulder for telling her about it.. like WHAT the FOOK? -.- Crazy quack counsellors and phsychs.
I'm not crazy, just a lil unwell...
heh... I never knew how bright my veins were till i took my black bands off...
Does anyone elses veins stick out like a sore thumb???
>.< My shoulders ache... their like SCARRED to the HILT... From the Exmah... yes.. I have a several form of exmah... My shoulders and upper arms are covered in sore red blotches and pink and purple scarrs... I'm never gonna be rid of them... I don't need to cut up my arms... the exmah did it for me...
>.< Must... not... think... food... nononononononono... NO~
Oh yeah.... Korn - Freak on a Leash suits Yami Malik to a -T. can we say... Character AMV-age!!! XD
We now return you to our regular sain broadcasting....
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..most recents...
Uhh... I really need to get into gear here... I have 30 sec. animationg due in this week and I havent even done a thing for it... <,< >.< And I still don't know what the bloody fuck to do... *cries* I was thinking of doing the babi one there.. >< But then the teacher would prolly go off at me saying it was too hard... Beh.. fook him... I'll think of something... | | |
| I know I said I was gonna cut tonight... but.... well.. the muse convinced me otherwise. I feel moderatly relieved ...but.. well.. we'll see how I am later... Isn't it just the prettiest... Bloooooood.... The words I got from listening to Korn - Falling away from me' too much... seems to be a fav song at the moment...
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